Craigslist Hall of Fame

Searching for apartments is almost as entertaining as meeting the people who belong to them. Following are some of my favorite quotes from my Craigslist perusing...Enjoy! :)

No pets, please. Pets are dumb. If you smoke cigarettes, you need to quit. Cigarettes are bad for you--and they probably fund a lot of Republican campaigns. God is an asshole. That said, you should know that we think that God is an asshole. Vegetarians are cool. Not really crazy about law students from the east coast moving out here for a six month sublet. We're not subletting. We're not into the law. But, hey, if you have a solid stand-up routine that will knock us off our feet, give us a reply. Jimmy Durante is cool. The Marx Brothers are fly.       Ummmm.....

The bathroom is mine from 8:15-8:45 AM.  

Looking for a great fit to join a positive, holistic, happy, busy, professional wonderful clean and modern home...relaxed living at a super high quality...
It all is set up to support high power busy lives. It isn't a party house.   But I thought you said it was relaxed?

Room with shared bathroom to let in a detached house in Upper Market. The deal is that in exchange for paying below-market rent you also commit to being home at least two evenings a week (usually a Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday), agreed in advance, so there is someone here with my 11-year-old son (I'm a single Dad). He doesn't need care or attention, just an adult in the house, so you can be in your room and doing your own thing - just be in the house.   So I can live here, just not have a life?

I'd like my new roommate to work during the day, to help my dog have a more consistent schedule.  HA!

We are three of the CHLLEST people ever who have the absolute BEST pad in the whole city and we are going to bestow the honor upon one lucky individual to live in our AWESOME and ELECTRIC pad. You must, above all and anything else . . . be CHILL!!! CHILL is all that matters and god bless us because we have cornered the market on that one. CHILL to the grave!   I think Vanilla Ice is looking for a new pad...

You have the small room with no light but you pay equal rent which is killer because we rented this place and you'll be very luck if we select you from the dozens of other pathetic and desperate sots who reply to our ad. Your rent is the mere diminishing amount of $700 (we pay $600); $2500 deposit plus first and last two months. Please bring recent fingerprints and letter from your mother.  I think this is a joke, but not sure
 
There are frequently couchsurfers staying with us (we've hosted about 40 in the last year). Your friends can stay over on the couches, too. You shouldn't get freaked out by random strangers in the house, and you need to be queer-friendly.   So if a guy with a gun walk in I shouldn't be scared, b/c he might be your friend?

There are a lot of you, and we need some way to tell you apart. All of you enjoy the outdoors, half of you are software engineers and I think each response we've gotten this hiring season says something to do with music. This doesn't cut it! It tells us nothing about what it would be like to have you in our family.   I have a three-legged dog...does that make me interesting enough?  

female only, furnished room
for serious student who wants a quiet place to study
no drama sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't think its possible to have a female roommate w/o drama!
no overnight guest
above average housekeeping  Darn it. That cuts me out. And I was really looking forward to meeting this chick.

$171 Be my "SF Domestic Partner & Care Provider" & Share my SRO Hotel Room!  Where can I sign up!!??  

$850 Zombie Defense Shelter Seeks 1 More to Fight the Undead Mob!!  About you. One person only, male or female. No couples or families. No visible bite or scratch marks. No brain-lust! Any age is OK as long as you are mature and respectful of the other housemates and know how to decapitate a zombie.  Hahaha

No tobacco, hard drugs or heavy drinking. However 420 is fine.  I have learned that "420" (pot) is not the same as "drugs" (aka, heroin, crack, etc.)

Vegetarian, egg-free kitchen, quiet, clean & sober household. No alcohol, drugs, smoking or pets. aka-no fun allowed

The Room: Do you have a ludicrous amount of hot wheels tracks and thought, if I only had the room I could make the most awesome track ever? Perhaps you have always wanted to convert you room into your own private yoga studio and still have room for all your furniture! Well we got you covered. This is a gigantic bedroom with tons of natural light, closet space and a private bathroom.  This might be big enough for all my shoes...

My Favorite: 

LOOKING FOR LORINDA ...who lived with her Mom in Sacramento; siblings live in the San Jose Area. Please email me and let me know where to send your belongings that you left in my place or you can still pick them up yourself.   I hope you are well and find employment. Thank you.     I really hope this was a one-night stand